By Tina Smith, LPC, M.Ed.

Recognizing connection, protecting your heart, and being a friend worth keeping

Pause for a moment and think about the friends who add value to your life. I know mine have shaped me, encouraged me, and reminded me that we’re not meant to do life alone.

My pastor often refers to people as “my friend.” At first, I thought it was just a kind way of speaking. But over time, I’ve seen that he truly means it. His actions, not just his words, show what it means to be a real friend. He shows up, listens without judgment, and leads with compassion. His life is proof that friendship is about presence, not proximity.

And that got me thinking.

A friend wouldn’t try to hurt you. Not on purpose. And if they did, they’d care enough to make it right. They’d seek forgiveness, not because they feel guilty but because they value the relationship. These friendships do exist. They’re not rare. They just take intention. You have to be willing to recognize them, nurture them, and be that kind of friend in return.

Somewhere along the way, the meaning of the word friend started to lose its depth. Social media will tell you that you have hundreds, maybe even thousands of friends. But do you really?! The internet has turned the word into something casual, a label we attach with a click, not with commitment.

Since social media forces us to call just about anyone a “friend,” maybe it’s time we rethink the word. What if we created a few categories or levels? This could help us be more honest with ourselves about who fits where in our lives.

Level 3: Surface-level Friends
Actually, “friends” might be the wrong word here. These are people you barely know. Maybe you liked a post from them. Or you recognize their name through someone else. They know little to nothing about you, and you know just as little about them. These “friends” are easily replaced, blocked, or unfriended if things go sideways. It doesn’t mean they don’t matter, it just means they don’t belong in the inner circles of your life.

Level 2: Mid-grade Friends
This group has two sides. The first is a new friend who seems like they could become Level 1 Top-grade friend, but you’re cautious. Maybe you’ve been hurt before or are afraid of being taken advantage of again. You’re watching, waiting, hoping, but you haven’t fully let your guard down.

The second set are the people who’ve been in your life for a while, but the relationship feels one-sided. It’s more giving than receiving. You know the ones—when their name pops up on your phone, your first thought is, “What now?” You care, but you feel drained.

Level 1: Top-grade Friends
These are the people who think of you often. They show up in times of crisis. You’d drop everything for them if they needed you. Life gets busy. Maybe you don’t talk every day or even every month. When you finally do catch up, the conversation flows easily. It’s long, uplifting, and overdue. You probably have someone in mind already as you read this. It might be a lifelong friend, a spouse, a sibling, or even a parent.

The point of this post is simple: nurture the friendships that matter most.

You’ll find it uplifting and refreshing when you invest in the people who pour into you, who hold you accountable, and who cheer you on. But don’t overlook the value of knowing where others stand in your life. Even Level 2 and Level 3 relationships can be handled with wisdom, grace, and kindness.

I once heard a powerful analogy: friendships are like the parts of a tree that has withstood many storms.
– The roots are your Level 1 friends. They’re strong, grounded, and keep you stable through every season.
– The branches are Level 2. Some are sturdy, others are fragile, and some will break off with time.
– The leaves are Level 3. They are bright and beautiful for a moment, but they change with the seasons and eventually fall away.

And that’s okay.

From My Heart to Yours,
Tina Smith, LPC, M.Ed.