By Tina Smith, M.Ed., LPC

“He doesn’t get me!!!” “I try so hard to please her, but my efforts seem unappreciated.” These are common statements with couples that have different love languages. The five love languages have been commonly known to describe how we receive love. However, this is also how we tend to show love as well. Recognizing your love language and understanding your partner’s can deepen your connection. Expanding our knowledge of this concept can also enhance our relationships with family and friends.

The five common love languages discussed here are words of affirmation, quality time, gift-giving, touch, and acts of service. Take a moment to consider how you show love. Do you often use words of affirmation? Is it important for you to uplift others with positive feedback? If so, you may score high in this category. Or maybe you feel that spending quality time with others warms your heart. Perhaps you have someone in mind when you spot that special gift you hope is appreciated. Are you someone who loves to hug, hold hands, or sit really close? If so, touch is definitely your love language. Maybe you thrive with showing your love by doing for others because it is in your nature to lend a hand or lighten someone’s load.

Do you connect with one or two of these love languages? If so, then you may receive love in the same manner. Those closest to you may struggle to meet your needs, just as you might have difficulty fulfilling the love languages of others. This lack of appreciation fuels resentment between couples. So, taking time to understand how you each give and receive love requires a listening heart, validation with compassion, patience that’s gentle, and passion to care enough.

Long lasting and loving relationships are filled with compassion and thoughtfulness. Whether between couples, family members, and friends, taking time to develop an understanding of how you and others may differ within the five love languages may be the beginning of healing and restoring broken relationships. I encourage you to continue showing love in your language because it is the essence of your true self. Moreover, take time to learn the love languages of those closest to you and appreciate their loving gestures.