By Tina Smith, M.Ed., LPC

Many times, we tend to place our anger on a person or event. Often our anger response to this person or event is justified. In many cases, there is little we can do to fix a problem that led to an intense angry emotion. Nevertheless, the angry emotion takes up residence in our hearts and minds. Justice or some sense of satisfaction is often difficult to achieve. I am often reminded of the serenity prayer which focuses on three main concepts; to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change things that are within my control, and the wisdom to know the difference. Remaining angry can have many negative effects on the mind, body, and spirit. By gaining an understanding of this concept and making a choice to begin the process of healing from a hurtful experience, you will have activated the third concept of the serenity prayer of discerning what is best for your life.

Intense anger manifested in many ways. Moreover, it steals our peace and joy. The bottom line is that something happened that caused major pain in your life. We tend to replay scenarios of the event or think of things that could have been done differently. But if we are honest with ourselves this rarely makes us feel better. Often, we tend to feel worse. Developing an awareness of your state of mind is the beginning of change or acceptance. By no means is this an easy task, but it is necessary to move from one state to another.

Moving from a strong negative emotion to a manageable sense of peace requires self-awareness and resiliency. It is important to have a safe and supportive space to discuss your emotions and feel validated as often as needed. Feeling safe to express your emotions with a supportive person creates awareness of your current state of mind. A supportive person is someone you feel comfortable talking to, will not be judgmental, and will validate your emotions. By talking with someone you begin to face the difficult reality of your situation and gradually begin to recognize the effects on your mind, body, and spirit. This person may not have the answers but can help you to see where you are, a clearer reflection of your current state.

It is truly humbling to have clients feel safe to talk to me during their most vulnerable moments and discuss their deepest hurts. They begin to trust the therapeutic process and develop the strength to push through. This strength is where resiliency lives.