By Tina Smith, M.Ed., LPC

As the holidays approach grief decides to check in. He wants to know if you are ready for another celebratory moment without that close family member or best friend. Maybe you were doing okay, making strides. Then suddenly your yearly check-in from grief wants to steal the small bits of peace you were able to scrounge up as you go through the healing process. Grief comes with bearing unwanted gifts which may include increased symptoms of depression and anxiety. Other less desirable gifts of increased anger and isolation tendencies that pull you away from your supportive family and friends are strategically wrapped to steal your joy. Moreover, finding peace to combat grief becomes a challenging task.

“Peace,” you remember. The word peace can feel like an unexplainable phenomenon. It is a feeling within a part of you that is unseen within your spirit. We are mind, body, and spirit. Allowing the spirit to find peace is a necessary part of movement, interactions with others, and self-care. A small portion can begin a healing process and help you push through the days, weeks, and years. Within your spirit, you may find a sense of joy and hope if you can grab a whole of this phenomenon.

Finding ways to obtain peace is uniquely different when healing from grief. Levels of sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and resiliency are different for everyone. There is no cookie-cutter method to help people regain a sense of hope after the loss of a loved one. Understanding the cycle or stages of grief is the first step to creating awareness. Awareness is key to creating change or moving from one stage to the next. Each of the five stages presents its own set of challenges. Although the stages of grief are usually explained as being cyclical, it can also feel as if you’ve reached the top of the mountain where acceptance and peace reside. However, a trigger can abruptly and silently roll you down the mountain or push you over the edge.

The climb to the top of the acceptance mountain can once again feel impossible to accomplish. In these moments you may want to pull away from family and isolate. Other more detrimental thought patterns such as having the need to turn to undesirable habits or suicidal ideation can also creep in. Regardless of the level at which grief is affecting you, seeking help is important to regain a peaceful state of mind. Having a support network of family, friends, and spiritual leaders is a critical part of continuous healing. However, if you continue to find yourself struggling with the grieving process it may be time to talk with a mental health professional. A therapeutic relationship with a trusted licensed counselor allows you a safe space to explore struggles and regain peace of mind, as well as to help you to realign with your support net and develop tools to develop resiliency.

There are evidence-based therapeutic methods designed to help with the process of healing from grief, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I see clients begin to manage their lives after feeling crippled by the loss of a loved one. I am moved by their level of trust within me to share their story and pain as they develop awareness of the stages. As an LPC, I assist my clients in climbing the mountain and continue to be there if they find themselves drifting back to those dark places.